Crazy Ex-Girlfriend

You know that song Crazy Ex-Girlfriend by Miranda Lambert? Well surprise, surprise, I helped write it... just kidding, but I wouldn't be surprised if Miranda used me for inspiration to that song. I'd say I'm getting better at not being so psycho but sometimes something comes over me like a sickness... a plague... the ex-girlfriend plague. 

When my ex and I broke up it was mutual-ish. I brought up the option of breaking up but I thought he would say sorry and ask to work on things but instead he was like yeah that sounds good... ummm hello you need to read my mind and know that was NOT the plan! Boys are so dumb... but anyways we decided we would stay friends and that was great for about four days until he met his next girlfriend. 

I don't really know what it is about men that makes it so easy to move on. I was confused because she looked semi like me except she was a bit skinnier but I have a bigger rack! Boobs are awesome!!! & He is a boobs man, boobs should win!!!! But, anyways, they hit it off and I flipped out obvi... I stalked her and accidentally added her on FB and immediately deleted the request... then one time I was creeping on her twitter and went back to August of 2011 (this was June, 2012) and clicked a picture and FAVORITED IT on accident. I was mortified. 

We then became casual cuddle buddies, which I enjoyed because my thought was that if he was still wanting to have sex with me he obviously didn't care about her as much... which may be true but regardless he still picked her so WHOOOOOP DE FREAKING DO. One time I wore jean shorts with a cute top and a jean jacket and he made fun of me for wearing jean on jean, my response was "it doesn't matter, you're taking it off" Damn, did I feel like a sex goddess.

Being friends/f*** buddies was great until I went to his fraternities welcome week party and made out with one of his brothers (after he asked to kiss me goodnight before leaving to see his new girl... fucked up man) and then stripped down to my bra and underwear and got in their Jacuzzi tub... alcohol makes me a scandalous stripper apparently. I felt guilty, told him, he got mad, but then used it as a way to flirt with by asking which underwear I wore and saying "I've seen those, they're see through ;) haha" Well your brother saw them tonight and not you, douche bag. Anyways, his girl saw the messages, accused him of still caring about me (what a crime, to care about your first love of two years still 2 months after breaking up) and to prove he didn't he "deleted me from his life". Who's the psycho now? 

Deleting me from his life meant blocking me on all social networking, deleting my number, etc. etc. This happened a day before my 19th birthday - happppy birthhhhhday tooooo meeeeee!

Now, I occasionally stalk him from my best friends facebook and just found out he works at the mall so it looks like I will be going to the mall with my empty bank account just to see if he has a beer belly yet, and show how hot I still am. :-) Regardless though, I'm super happy we broke up because now I am a confident, sexy, pretty young thang who can do whatever I want, whenever I want. Break free ladies, break free.

Since you've been goneeee
I can breathe for the first timeeeee
Love, the babbling blonde